Couple of days...

Been attempting to control my eating habits and it hasn't been too outlandish, nothing overboard when it comes to consumption.

Today was the first day this week that I didn't workout. My knees and feet are killing me from work (and I think not giving them a rest), plus work has left me pretty exhausted. I'll be working out before work tomorrow though, or maybe after into the wee hours of the night.

The big goal is 60 lbs lost. I would love to be 160-165, that is the ultimate goal. Right now the first step is to get under 200 lbs.

I will do this.
-Rachel

Successfull Day?

Another early work day, opening is a bitch but it isn't too bad. At least tomorrow I can sleep until 4 am (wooh?).
Today I didn't over eat much, oatmeal a veggie artisan sandwich, old fashioned donut, a multi grain bagel, some dried apples, of course not all at once. For dinner I made turkey-ground tacos, which were not that bad. Thats a pretty good day to me for when it comes to my food choices. It was mostly snacking small bits all day other than dinner.

I worked out today too. 30 minutes of cardio, with some weights (arms, abbs, legs). I've got a decent rhythm going for me so far.

I can't tell if working out with my brother hinders or helps me. He cuts working out a little early and I feel pressured to finish up before I feel like I'm done. Or does having someone there with me make me feel motivated to do things more, harder? We shall see.

-Rachel

Day Four (what an awful cliche title)

Yesterday was total crap. I ate way to much and it wasn't like I had an overdose of carrots, nope it was a bag of potato chips and hotdogs, yay me.

Today I tore my legs up. 40 mintues of cardio with an additional weight lifting, concentrating on legs for the most part...I'm a little sore/tired. I also woke up at 3:15 to open up my store and proceeded to get pulled over at 4:15. I was a little late for work but I tried to improve the day. Working out didn't help like I thought it would be it helped me feel better knowing I did something worthwhile today.

I have a ridiculous craving for sweetness. Fuck.
-Rachel

Not the Best of Starts

I'm mainly going to be focusing on eating less and working out TONS.

Everyday I'm going to be doing at least 40 minutes of cardio and working my way up to an hour, with hopefully some additional weightlifting.

This morning I had pancakes...Yeah, after a disclaimer like that last night you think it'd be oatmeal? But it takes baby steps, I'm still fragile and hardly buckling under my demanding cravings for bad foods. Carbs/Breads are my weakest points.However, I didn't have fifteen pancakes this morning (goodness knows I doubt I could consume that many.) I had three pancakes, with a side of syrup. I dip them helping me use less syrup, I do that with my bagels too dipping it instead of spreading it helps me use less of the sauce (no, I did not also have a bagel this morning). Plus, I absolutely hate soggy pancakes, dipping them keeps me from that.

  My biggest problem with eating isn't really the food I pick...but how I overeat it. When I'm full I'll just keep eating. I've eaten two and a 3/4 pancakes and staring at that last 1/4 going, "oh what would it hurt?" But it would hurt me! SO I'm leaving it and my cup of syrup behind.

 

Hey, it's a start

-Rachel

The Reasoning

Motivation is an interesting thing...it pairs well with ambition and life in general. People make a living out of motivation, trying to motivate people; it is a strange idea that you look to someone else to motivate you. I look to myself for motivation.
For most of my life I have looked down on myself with hatred, a dislike for my body and even my personality. I love my friends and I love my family, hell I love my job even but when it comes to -me- there is just something I don't like. Oh it isn't a mystery, I know exactly whats wrong. I'm not here to complain and bitch and hope people will look on pitifully and pat me on the head and say "you're perfect the way you are" and other bullshit. There's a reason why ads have half-naked beautiful women on them, because thats what a guy wants, he doesn't want the "every woman is beautiful in her own way" woman.
I'm getting off topic.
The entire point of this blog (interestingly enough the word "blog" shows up as a misspelling in the composition of this post) is for me to do something about my self-hatred. I want to improve on myself and its high-time I stopped yapping and complaining about it and do something about it.
I'm an over-weight ex-college volleyball player. I gained my freshman-fifteen easily and sadly it didn't stop, it got worse when I quit volleyball in December (2010). I let loose, telling myself I'd change. I never changed.
It's now September (2011), actually middle of September and I want to change like no other. My eating habits are horrible but worse my exercise is non existent. I used to workout with a purpose: volleyball and now thats gone. Finding the motivation, a cause to workout has been hard. Laziness has taken a hold of me and procrastination has taken a bigger toll.
Tonight I did cardio. for 40 minutes at Anytime Fitness (great 24hr gym you can access in pretty much every state). I weigh around 220 lbs, and I'm not proud of it. But the reason I say this is because this is a shameful way to motivate myself. I get embarrassed when I eat around people; I'm a bigger girl. I have an internal monologue that will have me thinking about the negative things people are most likely thinking when they look at me eat, present myself etc. So I find it motivating when others know about what I'm doing, I have to keep at it, shaming myself into it more and more. Its not the healthiest of motivations but its something to get me started.
They say starting is the hardest part, getting into the routine will be the greatest struggle. This is where I start...again (but hopefully this time it works).
-Rachel